Celebrity news today brings us a huge gob of schadenfreude throbbing at the center of a gift box containing unsold copies of Zombies Eat Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber pictures. No, let me rephrase that: Justin Bieber, the singer of such recent hits as “Sorry,” “What Do You Mean?”, and “Love Yourself” just got burned. Rejected. Slapped in the face with a steel gauntlet. But only one of these aforementioned things really happened, and it’s the most harmless one. That is, if you’re Justin Bieber.
Jennifer Lawrence to Justin Bieber: NO
On Watch What Happens Live, hosted by Andy Cohen, Jennifer Lawrence was in the hot seat, answering all sorts of questions that thoroughly compelled her to say truthy things, such as whether or not she kissed Hunger Games co-star Liam hemsworth, or if she really smoked pot before the Oscars. But when the questioning came to a discussion of how much Justin Bieber desires her and has been wanting to “tap” her, the world stopped. The studio held their breath. Andy Cohen’s jaws dropped. Jennifer Lawrence’s face took on tsunami-like waves of emotion before her mouth settled to give out the simple unequivocal answer: “A hard NO.”
If that “NO” were a bullet, it would be a steel-jacketed .50 CAL. That NO was even colder than the Siberian permafrost. Justin Bieber finds her oozingly hot? NO. Justin Bieber finds her extremely sexy? NO. But Liam Hemsworth? Giggles giggles.
Now in the grand scheme of things, Jennifer Lawrence’s cold rejection of a suggested Justin Bieber hook-up would not really devastate The Bieb—heck, he could walk a few paces from where he’s sitting right now and stumble into a sexual encounter, essentially tapping someone’s ass that could be even hotter than that of JLaw’s. We’re just glad that Jennifer Lawrence took it upon herself to tip the scales of cosmic justice—that is, if you haven’t read Zombies Eat Justin Bieber.